Like a lot of knuckleheaded but ultimately life-affirming decisions I have made in my life, I decided to enter a doughnut-eating bicycle race with too little information and far too much certainty. I owned a bicycle. I had nothing against doughnuts. What could go wrong?”You could die,” my good friend Jack pointed out. “Or you could puke. Or you could have a really embarrassing heart attack. Or you could eat so many doughnuts that the rest of the riders turn on…””Okay,” I said, “I get the point.””Plus,” Jack said, “do you really think it’s a good idea to be entering a race in your physical condition?”Jack was annoying, and so relentlessly grumpy that many of his friends called him the “Angry Voiceover Artist” (that is his profession), but he had a point. I am what jeans manufacturers used to call “husky,” possessed of what tubs on Internet-dating sites refer to with patent dishonesty and touching self-delusion as an “athletic build,” or a physique my mother always assured me was “big boned.” In past generations, I would have been venerated, my physique admired. “A good eater,” my grandmother used to coo, as I shoveled plateful after plateful of brisket and noodle… Read full this story
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